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Spoofing rich, fat, unkempt “documentary” filmmak. . .oops, I mean, Michael Moore September 13, 2005

Posted by Administrator in Blogging, Cultural Pessimism, Mechanistic Relativism, Politics.
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Since this guy had so much fun smacking around Moore’s utterly pretentious and disingenuous “letter to Bush voters“, I thought I’d take a crack at it as well.

A Letter to All Who Voted for George W. Bush from Michael Moore

To All My Fellow Americans Who Voted for George W. Bush:

On this, the fourth anniversary of 9/11, I’m just curious, how does it feel?

Um, in relation to what? Stop using indefinite pronouns BEFORE you’ve identified your main subject.

How does it feel to know that the man you elected to lead us after we were attacked went ahead and put a guy in charge of FEMA whose main qualification was that he ran horse shows?

Well, far better than electing any president that might appoint a fat, self-centered freakbat such as you in charge of White House communications. Fortunately, that day is not yet upon us so overall, I’m feeling just fine. Thanks.

That’s right. Horse shows.

Excuse me. Are you being condescending? Or do you simply think I’m hard of hearing?

I really want to know — and I ask you this in all sincerity and with all due respect —

ALERT: LOADED QUESTION ALERT!!!

how do you feel about the utter contempt Mr. Bush has shown for your safety?

Oh, I get it. He only wanted to get into the White House to menace my safety.

C’mon, give me just a moment of honesty.

It’s starting to look like you’re condescending.

Don’t start ranting on about how this disaster in New Orleans was the fault of one of the poorest cities in America.

You’re right. It’s poorness had nothing to do with it. But I WILL mention that it is one of the most crooked cities in America, with entrenched corruption of a type only to be found in ’30s Chicago.

Put aside your hatred of Democrats and liberals and anyone with the last name of Clinton.

No problem. I already have. Once I see you put aside your hatred for all things family and faith oriented as well, I expect we can actually have a conversation.

Just look me in the eye and tell me our President did the right thing after 9/11 by naming a horse show runner as the top man to protect us in case of an emergency or catastrophe.

Read my lips: HE DID THE RIGHT THING. And when it was no longer the right thing, he pulled the plug on the man.

I want you to put aside your self-affixed label of Republican/conservative/born-again/capitalist/ditto-head/right-winger and just talk to me as an American, on the common ground we both call America.

Sure. I already have. Once you put aside your self-affixed label of Democrat/socialist/I-hate-nothing-but-Republicans/social re-engineer, I expect we can sit down and have a real conversation.

Are we safer now than before 9/11?

I’m not positive. But I DO know that I feel MUCH SAFER than I would if Clinton/Gore/Kerry were in charge.

When you learn that behind the horse show runner, the #2 and #3 men in charge of emergency preparedness have zero experience in emergency preparedness, do you think we are safer?

Well, I suppose as I would feel just as confident in education when they appoint a former military man superintendant (as they did in Seattle in the ’90s, and had a rousing success). I’m not gonna second guess the Man here. I leave that to self-appointed critics such as you. Ever notice how hindsight is always 20/20, yet how is it you never notice the smell, because 20/20 vision is located right on your ass?

When you look at Michael Chertoff, the head of Homeland Security, a man with little experience in national security, do you feel secure?

See above.

When men who never served in the military and have never seen young men die in battle send our young people off to war, do you think they know how to conduct a war? Do they know what it means to have your legs blown off for a threat that was never there?

Oh, you mean like Clinton? Or Roosevelt? Or Wilson? Like those “good” democrats?

Do you really believe that turning over important government services to private corporations has resulted in better services for the people?

OH YEAH. I’ve worked for the government. You have no idea (actually you do, but you don’t care) how much worse it can get.

Why do you hate our federal government so much?

I don’t hate it. You really have a thing for that word, don’t you? In psychology, this phenomenom is called “projection”, where the feelings within the subject are seen by the subject in people around him.
Have you seen a therapist lately?

You have voted for politicians for the past 25 years whose main goal has been to de-fund the federal government. Do you think that cutting federal programs like FEMA and the Army Corps of Engineers has been good or bad for America? GOOD OR BAD?

Overall, VERY, VERY GOOD!!! I suggest you consult Mr. Jefferson on this point.

With the nation’s debt at an all-time high, do you think tax cuts for the rich are still a good idea?

Debt is nothing like it was in the CARTER years, when adjusted for inflation. HELLO!!!

Will you give yours back so hundreds of thousands of homeless in New Orleans can have a home?

Will you give all your earnings from your hopelessly fraudulent films for the same purpose? Near as I can see, I am committing the smaller sin here, if there is one at all.

Do you believe in Jesus?

Yes.

Really?

I was right earlier. You really are a seriously condescending little excrement, aren’t you?

Didn’t he say that we would be judged by how we treat the least among us? Hurricane Katrina came in and blew off the facade that we were a nation with liberty and justice for all.

That’s a capital “He.” Seems you have no idea who or what you are talking ahout. I DO know that He would frown heavily on self-appointed critics filling the air with hot nothingness as opposed to going out and actually helping those in need, rather than spouting self-righteous finger-pointing at those they feel are “guilty.”

The wind howled and the water rose and what was revealed was that the poor in America shall be left to suffer and die while the President of the United States fiddles and tells them to eat cake.

Um, that’s fiddle while Rome burns. It was a flood, not a fire. You’re mixing your metaphors. I suggest that you leave both the theology and the literature to professionals, and stick to what you know.

Which, near as I can figure, is eating. Nothing else.

That’s not a joke. The day the hurricane hit and the levees broke, Mr. Bush, John McCain and their rich pals were stuffing themselves with cake.

Oh, I get it. Cake. Your projecting again, seeing yourself engaged in your lone skill.

And for the record, I’d rather have Bush respond here than McCain.

A full day after the levees broke (the same levees whose repair funding he had cut), Mr. Bush was playing a guitar some country singer gave him. All this while New Orleans sank under water.

Apparently, the funding was cut because the people of Louisiana were unwilling to match the funds.

Oh., but that’s right. You’re not interested in having people help themselves, at all, in any way. Just make the government pay for everything. Sorry. My bad.

It would take ANOTHER day before the President would do a flyover in his jumbo jet, peeking out the window at the misery 2500 feet below him as he flew back to his second home in DC. It would then be TWO MORE DAYS before a trickle of federal aid and troops would arrive. This was no seven minutes in a sitting trance while children read “My Pet Goat” to him.

I’ve always suspected that the “My Pet Goat” book actually has a slight bit of truth to it, unlike your films. Or, perhaps he was taking a moment to not alarm a child? Or maybe simply to gather his thoughts before embarking on effectively meeting the greatest threat to this country since Pearl Harbor.

Oh. I forgot again. You’re engaging in your 20/20 hindsight. My bad again.

This was FOUR DAYS of doing nothing other than saying “Brownie (FEMA director Michael Brown), you’re doing a heck of a job!”

Like YOU’VE never put your foot in it. Such as being from Flint, for example?

My Republican friends, does it bother you that we are the laughing stock of the world?

Uh, no. What the French and Muslims think of us causes no loss of sleep here.

And on this sacred day of remembrance, do you think we honor or shame those who died on 9/11/01? If we learned nothing and find ourselves today every bit as vulnerable and unprepared as we were on that bright sunny morning, then did the 3,000 die in vain?

Funny, I thought we were talking about New Orleans. But, since you mention it, I still believe we are much better prepared than we would be under Clinton/Gore/Kerry/Boxer/Pelosi.

AND THEY WILL HAVE DIED IN VAIN IF WE ACCEPT YOUR INSANE RED CRESCENT HONORING THEM!!!!

Our vulnerability is not just about dealing with terrorists or natural disasters. We are vulnerable and unsafe because we allow one in eight Americans to live in horrible poverty.

Brought to you by Johnson’s (D, Texas) Great Society Entitlement (make that, enablement) programs.

We accept an education system where one in six children never graduate and most of those who do can’t string a coherent sentence together.

Brought to you by the National Education Association, noted supporters of the Democrats for over 50 years.

The middle class can’t pay the mortgage or the hospital bills and 45 million have no health coverage whatsoever.

Brought to you by the regressive tax system, first instituted by Wilson (D-New Jersey)

Are we safe? Do you really feel safe? You can only move so far out and build so many gated communities before the fruit of what you’ve sown will be crashing through your walls and demanding retribution.

HELLO!!! Gated communities? Let’s just see how many gated commnuities per capita vote Democratic. Hollywood, anyone?

Do you really want to wait until that happens? Or is it your hope that if they are left alone long enough to soil themselves and shoot themselves and drown in the filth that fills the street that maybe the problem will somehow go away?

Until what happens? I lost track again. Oh. This is from the same thread that said people were cannibalizing each other in NO, and that was Bush’s fault. What’s next? Bush caused Katrina by neglecting the Kyoto accords?

I know you know better.

That may be the first thing you’ve said that is correct, even if it does smack of more condescension.

But this reflection on condescension gives me insight into your films. You loathe your viewers and feel they have no intelligence, so they must be entertained rather than told the truth.

You gave the country and the world a man who wasn’t up for the job and all he does is hire people who aren’t up for the job.

While Clinton/Gore/Kerry/Boxer/Pelosi would be better? I think I’ll stick with what I have, rather than Door #2, Monte.

You did this to us, to the world, to the people of New Orleans.

Um, wow. I caused the flood? I had no IDEA I had so much power.

Please fix it. Bush is yours. And you know, for our peace and safety and security, this has to be fixed. What do you propose?

WELL, since you asked, I suggest we begin with loading up all the fat, unkempt Monday morning quarterbacks second guessing this madness into barges, sail them on down the Big Muddy, and they put their money where their (prodigious) mouths are by actually DOING something, as opposed to second guessing. That would do for a start.

I have an idea, and it isn’t a horse show.

God help us!! PLEASE tell us it’s NOT ANOTHER FILM!!!!!!

Yours,

Michael Moore

Really? Mine? Can I take it back to the store for a refund?

Sadly, the FreakBat is apparently going to make a film on this. Heaven help us on its objectivity.

UPDATE: Great essay entitled THE GREATEST POLITICAL APPOINTEE IN HISTORY that supports the idea that Bush was right (or at least not wrong) at the time to appoint Brown head of FEMA.

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