Soviet Seattleites prove once again why the Berlin Wall fell; June 15, 2007Posted by Administrator in Liberal self-loathing, Soviet of Seattle.
. . .the system in no way condones common sense.
Every once in a while, there are collisions between various aggrieved peoples, which make the suffering they must endure all the more terrible. For instance, a few years ago Native Americans in Washington State (members of one of the highest-ranking Approved Victim Groups) decided they wanted to revive the ancient sacred mystical ancestral tradition of going out in a power boat with echo locators and lots of high-tech gear to kill a whale.
This presented the sensitive people in western Washington with an apparently insoluble conundrum: If the local media complained about the murder of our cetacean brethren suckling at the breast of Gaia, they would be imposing their Dead White European Male Cultural Hegemony on the bleeding wounds of suffering Native Americans! The depths of pain that could well up in the Native American community made strong editorial writers and TV pundits blanch with terror. But if the Manufacturers of Culture in Seattle media didn’t complain, they would be letting Free Willy die at the hands of evil predatory Homo sapiens who have been raping Gaia for eons. The high-pitched cry of pain from the Green Community would be audible to our mammalian animal companions for miles. We would once again have failed to act while our Mother Earth was taken one step closer to extinction by the defiling disease that is humanity!
At last, after much deliberation in closed-door sessions, the hierarchy of values was clarified by the arbiters of correct sensitivity: Native Americans trump Euro-Americans, but whales trump all humans. Accordingly, media reports were filled with cries of anguish from the Green Community on behalf of outraged whales, but there was a moratorium on reports about Native Americans outraged over chardonnay-sipping Euro-American TV pundits telling Native Americans how to run their lives. Instead, Euro-American critics of Native American environmental destruction would only be reviled for their cultural imperialism and insensitivity when they were white sports fishermen complaining that Indian gill netters were indiscriminately denuding the rivers of all fish. For as everyone knows, people who hunt and fish for sport are a form of life lower than Neanderthals, murdering Mother Earth for the sheer pleasure of killing. No one cares what they think. Problem solved.
City of Seattle may ban microwave popcorn
10:36 AM PDT on Thursday, June 14, 2007
SEATTLE – At Seattle City Hall there are rules.
No weapons, no animals, no loitering, no alcohol, no lying down, no smoking, no music, no fighting, no trespassing.
Could the next thing be no microwave popcorn?
“It can be a significant problem in the future,” says Seattle Facilities Director Pedro Vasquez.
The City Facilities Department has just issued a memo to all City employees.
SUBJECT: Burnt microwave popcorn.
The Justice Center has been evacuated eight times in three years, forcing the evacuation of more than 400 people. If the problem continues, it will result in a ban of all microwave popcorn.
How has it happened so many times?
“I really don’t know, I can’t answer that question for you,” says Yolande Williams, City Court Administrator. (Of course she can’t. She’s a government employee-ed.)
The biggest offenders are at the Justice Center, but overheated popcorn has also forced evacuations at the Municipal Tower.
Popcorn is not the easiest thing to cook. Who knows if it’s really two, two-and-a-half or three minutes? An unsupervised bag can destroy productivity for all your co-workers.
But just the mention of a possible ban at city offices gets a number of responses.
“Perhaps what would happen is there’d be an underground market for microwave popcorn, people would sneak the microwaves into their offices, they’d do illicit popping,” says Frank Video, a staff member for the Seattle City Council.
Is it possible that if popcorn is outlawed, only the outlaws will have popcorn?
“You know, it’s not something that we have talked about in that much detail yet,” says Vasquez.
A spokesman for Mayor Greg Nickels says the Mayor does not eat popcorn.
The City just wants employees to follow this simple rule: Listen to the pop to know when to stop.
The Facilities director admits even his wife has burned a bag or two.
“She hit the popcorn button that had an automatic time associated with it and the popcorn still burned,” says Vasquez, who says even though it happened at his home, he did not ban popcorn.
Popcorn experts tell us the rule is very simple: When the popping slows to one or two seconds between pops, stop the microwave.
That’s your common sense tip of the day.
Problem is, no one in leadership in the Soviet of Seattle has any common sense. It’s an unknown concept anymore. And this lack of common sense, as illustrated first by incompetent city workers who torch popcorn bags, then further by automatic alarm systems that crap their pants at the drop of a burnt match, to developmentally challenged administrators whose response to this absolutely trifling annoyance is predictably knee jerk; The Big Stick:”Thou Shalt Not Cook Popcorn;” all of this shows a leadership convinced that people are imbeciles. And given who they are and who they work with, I guess I can’t be surprised.
But it does tend to be exceedingly annoying to those of us who CAN count to ten and keep breathing at the same time when these incompetent trolls proceed to legislate as though the entire state shares their minus-70 IQ. In this state, you are assumed incapable of:
Riding a motorcycle intelligently(MUST wear a helmet)
Determining when kids cannot be out of car seats (could be as old as 16 in this idiot state before you can finally sit like the Big People. I want you to imagine your HS freshman in a booster seat. See how well that will fly in Baltimore)
Talking and driving at the same time.
I like this last one, save for the lying legislator language. See, if you get pulled over for speeding AND were yakking on your cellphone at the same time, you will get a $101 ticket for the phone violation. It’s called a “secondary violation”, one that by itself should not result in getting a ticket.
But they’re lying bastards.
See, about 7 years ago, the Soviet passed a mandatory seatbelt law, but promised that it would always and forever be a secondary violation. You could never get cited for no seat belt alone.
Horsefeathers. 4 years ago, they started nailing people all over for not wearing a seat belt. You watch. The same thing will happen with the cell phones within 5 years.
So, the idiocy of the Soviet entrenches tendencies towards idiocy in its population.
Plus c’a change, plus c’e la meme chose.